end of orientation

The best way to describe my first few days here at BYU would be totally crazy. I've actually learned a lot about myself and I am so excited about the future, as well as completely terrified. the two days after move in we pretty much just hung out with our orientation group all day, there were some really nice people but I didnt make any automatic friends. I got to learn a little more about my major and the possibilities surrounding that. this was a great experience but also completely scary. but after some more self reflection and time to process everything, im still happy with what Im doing and looking forward to it. My roomate and I met a lot of the girls on our floor, all of whom seem really nice. i cant wait to get to know them better. today I got to see two of my best friends from home who just got here, and i got to talk to a few who are still back in california

So I am feeling a little overwhelmed about my future and what not, but I am having an amazing time and am feeling very optimistic!

one more week!

So I leave for BYU in a week and I couldn't be more excited. I'm excited to meet people,start my classes and to just go live my life and figure out what I am going to do. but before I leave I have an interesting week ahead of me in which I will be packing and spending my last few days with my friends. This is going to be tough because honestly, until just know when I turned my phone off, got off of facebook and just focused, I havent had a lot of time recently to be excited, happy or even scared about leaving. All of my focus has been on my last week here and spending time with everyone and figuring out how Im going to fit all of my shoes in the car when we leave and saying good bye to everyone and making everyone else happy. now these are all important things to think about but it was all so stressful too. but know Im feeling better. I know that this week will still be tough and stressful, but I have to remember that I am in an amazing point in my life. I am about to embark on the craziest ride ever. This is the time in my life when I get to take the classes I want, figure out what I love, go places and grow up a lot. I've never been a great writer so I really don't have any words to describe how im feeling right now. I guess I feel optimistic, happy, and so excited.

oh and I have a quote to share with you all, from Nikki Bohne who graduated from BYU and went on to play  Elle Woods in the traveling tour of Legally Blonde. She is the one who emailed me a few months ago when I emailed her some questions. She also happens to be one of my heros.

“Go for it 100 percent and never look back,You can’t have any doubts and you have to believe in yourself.”


so thats my cheesy but oh-so optimist quote for today. haha I LOVE IT!

aksjghsalkdjghlk!!!!! (thats pretty much how I feel right now)

so the craziest thing just happened to me. A week or so ago when I was freaking out about majoring in theater, I came across a blog called Unnaturally Green, by a woman who was the Elphaba standby in the San Francisco production of Wicked. I loved reading this blog because it had a whole bunch of cool behind the scenes type stuff. But about halfway through reading this blog something very unsettling occurred to me: Broadway shows are every night of the week except for Monday. This means that if I ever did end up with any type of job for which I would need to be there during the actual show, I would be required to work on Sunday.
This was a little unsettling for me because as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we are taught to keep the sabbath day holy which usually includes not working on Sunday. Needless to say I was pretty upset when I started thinking about this whole situation. Even on the off chance that I WAS good enough, would I EVER be able to get a job on Broadway? I started searching the internet for answers when I came across a Deseret News article about LDS performers on traveling Broadway shows. One of the actresses mentioned was Nikki Bohne, who has the lead role in the traveling tour of Legally Blonde. I went to her website, found her email and decided to ask her my questions, not really thinking I would ever actually hear back from her.
I had actually pretty much forgotten that I had ever sent her an email until this morning, when I got a reply! here is part of what she shared with me:

"Cutting right to the chase. You will have to work on Sunday. There are
enough actresses out there for the job, that at first you won't be
able to say no. Some people who have established themselves in the
business with a certain job may be able to contract Sunday's off, but
I would say that is the exception, not the rule. The advice I would
give would be to decide within yourself what is most important to you
and your specific relationship with heavenly father. Everyone has a
different outlook on the gospel and so it's important to create your
own personal "code of honor." In my personal opinion, the good that I
do outweighs working on the Sabbath. I work really hard to attend
church each week, so I normally do not miss th sacrament, but it is
hard. It is a personal decision you have to make and in this business
it is tough to find the motivation for the small things. But it's
possible! Maintaining a regular plan of scripture reading and prayer
is essential. I listen to conference talks while traveling and study
the Book of Mormon with my family.


But what it comes down to is your own personal decision. Being an
active member of the church in this field is hard...really hard...but
definitely possible! Most importantly, enter your career knowing who
you are and what you stand for. If you are wavering at all, the world
will get to you. But the lord really is on our side and I feel his
spirit every day, even in the show. Wait, especially in the show ;)
performing is such a spiritual experience for me and singing my shoe
every night brings me closer to my father in heaven.

If you are dead set on Sundays, there is hope. After months of
switching shifts to attend church and showing up in a dress with my
food for the whole day in a bag, Disney finally gave me Sundays off!
It took a lot of work and I wouldn't count on that being a regular
occurrence."


this is just a little of what she emailed me, and I honestly just couldn't believe she emailed me back. What she said really made me feel better because at least at this point, I don't have to give up on this dream. I dont know what the future holds, but as of now, this may still be a possibility for me if I work hard

...Well That Was Dissapointing

With most of the anxiety of choosing a major out of the way for me (for now anyway), my biggest fear about college is having to live with a stranger. I only know one girl who is going to be a freshman at BYU in the fall, so I'm just rooming with whoever chooses the same room I do. Or at least that was the original plan, but all of that changed yesterday when I was on the facebook page for incoming BYU freshmen.
As I was scanning the page I saw a post from a girl asking if anyone needed a roommate. I looked at her profile and she seemed like not just a normal human being, but actually really nice (at this point all I was hoping for was that I wouldn't have to room with someone weird/mean/psycho) so I sent her a message and we spent two days messaging back and forth getting to know each other a little. I was actually feeling pretty good, because she seemed really nice.
And now the tragic end to this story comes along....to make a long story short she ended up sending me a message that she had a friend who wasn't going to go to BYU but just decided to go to BYU and wanted to room with her so that is what she is going to do.


...so now I'm back to square one. I'm a little disappointed because she seems really nice and now I have to be all scared and worried about who my roommate is going to be again. But I'm alright. Im hoping there is going to be some reason for me rooming with whoever I end up with. who knows, maybe I'll end up rooming with someone who will introduce me to my future husband or something someday.haha... but whatever happens, it will sure be interesting.

Dont really know how to say all of this....

Its been a confusing couple of weeks because I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life and what to major in. If I am going to be 100% honest with my one viewer and the whole rest of the internet, then I'll just say it... I love acting and if I could have any job in the whole world then I would get a part on Broadway (no Hollywood for me). Now if  I'm going to be 100% honest with myself as well as my one viewer and the rest of the internet, I know that there is a tiny chance that this will ever actually happen. There are so many talented people in this world that love theater too.
To be honest its really hard to come to grips with the fact that what you want to do isn't exactly practical. And then the even tougher decisions start...Do I still go for it knowing that it may never happen? that would be a hard road to choose. Or do I just forget it and go with something more practical? this may be easier, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So here is the plan:
I am going to go to BYU as a theater major. This major isn't really acting too much, it seems to be more about theater production. I will be able to learn about things like lighting, costumes, and sets. These are skills that are a little bit more marketable and are things that I am still really interested in. As part of this major you get to choose your elective type casses from a whole array of theater classes, so according to my BYU  counselor, I should still be able to take acting classes and improve those skills
so I'm feeling pretty good about that plan because I can still have the opportunity to become a better actor and singer, but I have the back up skills to get other jobs in the theater business...other jobs that I really wouldn't mind having at all.


So there it is, all my worries and confusion about the rest of my life. For all I know I may get to college and decide this is not what I want to do at all, or maybe I'll want it even more than I do know. But no matter what happens, I'm feeling pretty good about my decision and excited to see where it takes me